he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
