Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
