That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
