this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
