i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
