i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
