I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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