whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this will be a night to untag.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
