I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
