I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
