Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
