I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
