mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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