This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
