it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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