we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
