You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
