our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
