my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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