Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
