my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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