remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
