why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
