i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
