did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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