I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
