Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
