Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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