So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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