Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
