are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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