Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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