Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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