I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
