apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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