I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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