we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
