There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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