I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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