My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
