i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
