i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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