Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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