Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
