Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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