I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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