So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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