ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
