apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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