WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
