guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
