I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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