My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
