When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
how drunk are you?
Several
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
