idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize