He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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