Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
