I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
