the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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