I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
