it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
