There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
