if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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