i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
