we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
