just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is my gift to your gina
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
