So drunk its hurt
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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