Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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