The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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