I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
