you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
