he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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