There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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