then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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