my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
