My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
