The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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