i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
