He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
