Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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