Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
