They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
