Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize