break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
